"What Would Ryan Lochte Do?" or: The Worst Thing on TV Right Now

-Rache’ll Brown

I don’t think anyone appreciates trashy reality TV like I do. I mean, my favorite show is Gypsy Sisters, I like every single thing that Snooki posts on Instagram, and I still regularly dream about becoming Lauren Conrad’s BFF due to her time on Laguna Beach and The Hills (I rocked that Team LC t-shirt in middle school). With all of my life experience in this category, I think it’s safe to say that I know when a TV show is truly bad. So, while enjoying a typical night of reality TV and popcorn, I was instantly able to spot the worst thing TV has to offer right now: What Would Ryan Lochte Do?

The world became acquainted with Lochte last summer during the 2012 Olympics, where he won five gold medals in swimming. We were entranced by his amazing swimmer’s bod, but repulsed by his attitude and ignorance. Nevertheless, the 28-year-old entered the public eye, and we’ve been unable to shake him since.

What Would Ryan Lochte Do? premiered on the E! Network April 21, and had .8 million Americans tune in. Surprising. In this episode, the audience was introduced to Lochte’s everyday life, which includes his “Lochterage” (friends), “love-hate, but mostly hate” relationship with roommate and younger brother, Devon, and his attempts at romance (he takes every girl he dates to the exact same sushi bar and doesn’t see a problem with it). We also discover his desire to become a fashion designer (I can’t even… ), and that his favorite movie is What Women Want starring Mel Gibson.

He is so deep.

Usually, I am all for shallow, poorly scripted “reality” shows, but I can’t get past how much of an airhead he is. Instead of being funny, he is just pathetic, and I’m not the only one who feels this way—reporters can’t even take him seriously! I love reality TV shows because other people’s insane lives make me feel better about myself, but this just left me feeling sympathetic for him. Needless to say, I won’t be tuning in again.

Grade: D

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Image from style.mtv.com

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