The 3D movie craze is now in full swing. 3D sequels are popping up left and right to popular franchises like “Men in Black,” “The Avengers,” and “The Hobbit.” Old movies are being rereleased with new 3D effects, like “Titanic” and “Beauty and the Beast.” These re-releases are begging the question: what movies benefit from a 3D refitting? And, perhaps more importantly, which ones should never, for the love of god, enter the realm of 3-demensional cinema.
Here are some movies that, if touched by the 3D want, might just kill us all.
The Exorcist (1973): “Wow! It’s like the projectile vomit is coming right at me!”
Bruno (2009): Some things are best left at a safe distance. A very safe distance. Like, all the way over there. Away from me. Lock the door.
Total Recall (1990): There are few things worse than a fleshy, moist, mutant baby arm reached out of the screen toward your face. One of those things would be if that fleshy baby arm was popping out of a beer belly (shudder).
A Clockwork Orange (1971): Nothing like a disturbing series of horrifying events coming RIGHT AT YOUR FACE to keep you on your toes. You’ll FEEL the cane hitting you over the head! Amazing!
The Godfather (1972): 3D would literally add nothing. Seriously. Biggest waste of an extra $5 you’ll ever spend. Go buy some tacos.
Attack of the Killer Tomatoes (1978): First of all, yes, this movie exists. It’s sitting somewhere in my house on VHS. I watched this as a child. Had it been in 3D, the odds of my having become a functioning adult would have plummeted. I don’t need tomatoes attacking me…not directly, anyway.
The Fountain (2006): Yea, like I wasn’t confused enough without adding a whole other dimension to it. If you can’t grasp the movie in 2 dimensions, you can sure as hell bet you won’t be able to grasp it in 3.
The Dark Knight (2008): It’s perfect. Don’t. Touch. It.
Image taken from vegancineclub.blogspot.com